Interview Subject: Experts on adolescent behavior to the way teachers and to students in love and related issues are discussed. interviews with some of the points related to the merits attention and careful consideration, I would like for parents concerned about kids growing up and education of workers. Here is an interview with Record.
Lin Chen-sheng (Chengdu TV Tanzania journalists, hereinafter referred to as: forest): On this matter, to the teacher you may have seen today's reports. As far as I know, missing a pair of three children is about love. I think this is an extreme event, but also very typical event, we are concerned, that should be handled carefully. I want to hear your views. Of course, our intention is not to make this matter what their comments, A similar phenomenon but would like to clarify some issues. For example, this, in the end considered puppy love, or truancy, how? the psychological problems of students are what the typical performance? face these problems, schools and parents how to deal with and intervention ? in your work may be regularly exposed to examples in this regard.
to the process (hereinafter referred to:): Yes, we received almost similar cases every day, and often more extreme cases. should be that the child is not leaving the matter of missing a simple truancy weariness, or the so-called puppy love problems, and should be understood as: a result of adolescent love, frustration, induced to run away from home, in essence, the school and parents extremely antagonistic and confrontational performance. by schools to deal with just a predisposing factor, not the only reason for running away from home, or even the root cause. Therefore, the responsibility of the school to discuss issues and parents to the schools fault seek explanation, no help solve the problem. I want to emphasize that I do not want to use the ; love thwarted and punished education case, so far have not found together in love for the child's adolescence to ! the contrary, almost all of the love due to the development of adolescent truancy, extreme against the school or parents, leaving a fit of anger, men and women living together or breaking physical boundaries of the child, there are some tried to drag around behind it, interfered, brutal punishment of the parents or teachers, or that there must be some negative forces at work in the control and interference.
Lin: according to what you mean, schools and parents should love to take on the students to understand the attitude of tolerance. But as far as I know, the children puppy love, no mm, according to Your argument is that adolescent love, will cause a bad influence learning. Many education experts and scholars, including most of the parents can not accept the fact that students love.
to: is right! I do not premature puberty in favor of the child love. after all, most children, this love will be distracting, handled well in the minority. However, in favor of or against one thing, and how to deal with one thing, are two different things . I want to clarify two issues: first, no matter how much we do not want to love their children enter puberty, but, under normal circumstances, it would happen! As for early or delayed, depending on how to deal with and handle. which obstructing, interference, control, punishment, forced separation and other measures to promote the agent happens to be; and acceptance, understanding, tolerance and so on, and people think the opposite, an inhibitor. The reason, as long as the familiar people can understand the tragedy. a pair of 14-year-old men and women, fed up with both families because they put all the love and willfully obstructing the pressure, both for Love chose to commit suicide. psychology call this phenomenon the and Juliet effect bogged down further. particularly for adolescent children, the psychological effect is more obvious and effective, which is , act and scene. Of course, there are some good boy in the face of powerful forces chose to give up interference, but the resulting psychological trauma has affected many people's adult after marriage, and even destroy a lifetime of happiness. < br> Lin: Are we in front of the child's adolescent love you no choice! I am also a father, even though the child was small. I mean, we have no way, a scientific and reasonable way to children under treatment there emotions stirring.
to: solve a problem on the premise that analysis of the problem clearly, in clinical psychological consultation on the called up, that is: Why do kids love early puberty? What factors contribute to it? why some children are not seen until the high school students with the opposite sex who to heterosexual students began to This is the social atmosphere dictates, something today's kids wake up too early; also said that the existing education system on the sexual knowledge, sexual morality, sexual psychology of education did not place the child for sexual and mysterious, and therefore trace the end of self-exploration question up. These views actually very insightful, not wrong! However, the cases have real to not work. because we are parents or teachers, as individuals or small groups, without the ability to quickly transform society, to We hope it becomes the kind of look. more because the children all love early or premature entry into the root causes of these two aspects is not in the main, and in the parent-child relationship, the parent and the child's emotional model in. can be said that children of all behavior problems are directly associated with the parent-child relationship. Now, we attach importance to this problem is not enough.
Lin: Yes, I agree with you. but it seems to be a ; very psychological, > to: From the perspective of analytical psychology, we can roughly say that kids love too early, within the family from at least three reasons: First, lack of parental care and understanding the opposite sex, lack of heterosexual parents in emotional intimacy sense, there has been a lack of love; second is due to serious marital problems, such as long-term affection between parents and substandard, quarreling, extramarital affairs, apathy, divorce and so on, leading the child emotional insecurity or fear, anxiety , family atmosphere severely depressed, not easy; third is that although the parents marriage was not a big problem, but the lack of active interest in the child, neglect of communication with their children, parents just busy making money to support their families or entertainment, children's long-term alone, parents are not concerned about the state. where problem. This is a more complex emotional patterns problem that requires an analysis based on the specific situation. For example, if a boy after his birth 0m1 years of age, are not fully breastfeeding, or have not been the mother intimate care, after 5,6 years and lived with foster care or childhood separation from parents, when he entered puberty, they'll care for the mother (not control or accommodating) and a strong understanding of the needs. If the mother does not happen understand this, or was busy, or because of br> Lin: I know some may need to analyze specific issues. both from the perspective of parent-child relationships to find a cause, but also from the adjustment of this relationship to solve the problem, is not the teacher you want to emphasize.
to: Yes! However, when it comes to parent-child relations, parental education inevitably involves mistakes, to be related to the anatomy of marital status of parents, to face the pain, blame, regret and anger so we can not meet the negative emotion. So, who wants to easily make such a choice. Thus, we often see the situation is this: When a child to be a big problem, school educators and parents blame each other between the more shirk its responsibility, rather than work together to solve the problem. However, as parents, are children after all, they are only our results, we are their reasons. With the love of parents for their children, we have to face! If arbitrary to say that the child all problem behavior, doomed by their parents. child is ill, parents medicine, this is the grim reality.
to leave these children, for example, even though the child's parents are angry behavior, even though the child's behavior so that all anxiety, and even they are wrong! their naive, impulsive, but from the understanding of the child's point of view, all have a into place the kind of things people think), anger, resentment, helplessness, loss. If their parents have not yet thought of good, when the children take the initiative to call back later when the child what to say or find how to do, which very dangerous.
Lin: That mm, the motivation for many children running away from home what is it? What are they thinking? how they will do next?
to: I do not have the ability to make their behavior in the forecast, depending on the community, parents and schools to treat them the attitude of this matter. But be sure that the child missing motivation is to express emotions. Here the raised protest, but the point is indeed unconscious of their parents, and those who control them, continue to decide their people. They do not have pre-planned, premeditated manner in such a way to education. They are not without honor of the child. They are long-term move, but the general outbreak of parent-child relationship.
Lin: Faced with this situation, you feel as parents of these children, priority should be how to do?
to: The key is four things, or four steps:
First, from the child's point of view, objectively understand their feelings, understand and explain the motive of the child's behavior or to achieve. particular attention to the front those referred to This does not need to occupy too much time, you may need an hour or so. If we have children is not clear how to think, not to mention also handled correctly.
Second, the use of the necessary social resources, low-key way to learn about the child's whereabouts and living conditions, to ensure children's safety. It is worth mentioning that, unless the child has the edge in some danger (which parents should know), otherwise, find the child and immediately forced home, not the best way. I personally feel that if the child is safe, children should be given some time to think. from the experience of psychological crisis intervention, parents of the two types of problems are common practice of: a class of their parents due to extreme anxiety, anxious, wondering to find the child will seek the child back to live to cry; and those parents are the opposite, threatening the child, relationship and extreme events for the children, both parents are angry, sad or parents; both schools and parents into bickering, or usher in condemnation or sympathy, are directly or indirectly, to meet the adolescent child rebellious nature. such a grievances only in the right direction, the parents and those responsible remain calm before the abolition of extreme anxiety in the child performance of the child to express their guilt in good faith, tolerance, understanding and love. every one in this predicament of the parents need to think well, to see the child or the child received a test call from a local phone, how they speak their own, say? how to say? I often discussed with the parents of these problems. If you do not think clearly, best to ask an expert.
the fourth, when the dust settles after the event the child should be in a timely manner with children and parents to receive psychological counseling. We can not solve the problem, deal, and deal with the problem from the roots. that as long as children come back to find everything is all right, with the so-called law of simple treatment education, and then continue to repeat the past, serious flaws in the case of parent-child relationship is definitely not a small number of patterns.
Lin: You seem a negative attitude to education law. I think many people, including parents, they are more willing to believe that education of children is very important and necessary. I could not understand the emphasis on education as a problem. Moreover, out of such a thing might people worry that children do not education, not serious treatment children at every turn will form the habit of running away from home.
to: unless you assume that the children who run away from home very happy now! In fact, no child left home to get some sort of pleasure and enjoyment, Even those with their own parents polar opposites of children, those who are uncomfortable and anxiety parents feel heart are not happy, even very painful, self-blame or guilt. did not an adult told me that when she and her parents fight a fit of anger, ran out from home, it will not pain. adults like this, not to mention in young adolescent girls? From a psychological point of view, any contrary to the wishes of their parents children are guilty of the heart; any of their loved ones had to mm mm retained her parents hate people who are full of heart contradictions and painful. Cross blame the parents who do not love you! but you can not blame themselves.
I do not deny the laws of common sense in education. I mean, the parents in their children's education, not only from the The results solve the problem, tell them what things you can do and what things not to do, what to do, not to do. This is the education often do. because, for most students, these issues are not only understand their , and they may know more than their parents. In other words, in most cases, the weariness of the children are not do not know the importance of learning; love child does not do not know Most parents will not be accepted; abuse of children is not their parents do not know this is wrong; test anxiety child anxiety do not know but will not affect the examination of the spot to play. Similarly, people suffering from insomnia is not nervous She do not want to sleep. The fundamental sticking point is, they know how to do it but can not! In this case, you tell them something over and over again, is playing video games the problem is the reason to come back, return to root on the parent-child relationship back up what you said, ask a few why, find the reasons for hh are you?
to: Yes! even if the parent-child relationship is not The only reason kids go wrong, but as parents, we can do is through the adjustment of this relationship to compensation and other factors offset the growth of the child produced a bad influence. This is the only measures parents , with the love of their children mm unrequited love, but also can be done. For example, school teachers may be because she's Shortage of his own land. Then, standing on the perspective of a psychiatrist, you think our children's education in the treatment of adolescent facing some on what exactly the problem, I said the problem is some tendency.
to: more specific and micro from my visual departure, I think on a more prominent children's education, universal sense of failure is: Parents do not always consciously adopted approach to teach their children the children and adolescents have adult children, can not be completed from the , moderate control As fun, indulge in a variety of games, there is no necessary normative sense of shape, take a laissez-faire attitude of their behavior is problematic. Therefore, appropriate controls are necessary. For example, a primary 2 students, if parents are not concerned about her homework, the child is likely to put the game to work the back of the head. But for upper primary students and 12mm24-year-old adolescent children, like to urge not only superfluous, but also a great side effect, you are still bound to make her feel her . Therefore, puberty is a fundamental requirement:
①, respect for all children to accept the idea of mm, so the child's general staff rather than decision-maker to gradually return to the autonomy of the child;
②, the children have understood mm able to explain the behavior of the problem, know that they br> ③, and actively guide mm model parent-child relationship by improving the implementation of positive guidance of children, for the management of the child's behavior, the results from the transition process control management.
forest: results from the process control to management, which seems a bit abstract, Can an example of what?
to: Process control is easy to understand, for example, love to remind their parents or command: how to not do this? me see! ;, details, parents have no need to interfere. This is like a concern not only concerned about the performance of a manager or head of the process of management of subordinates. Of course, the specification must be developed with full respect for the views of children, it is best to let the children discuss the proposed recognition . If you develop a specification is just too harsh, or to your parents have the final say, it is a disguised form of control. Of course, if the final say anything to a child, that you are not the responsibility of parents.
Lin: As parents of a child , in particular, the only child of parents who treat their children's education in the issues facing the kind of confusion and anxiety? have no good measures?
to: children's education at this stage, had to face two very awkward question: First single child policy; second exam-oriented education system. celibacy caused the phenomenon of two children can not be underestimated: for the children due to the lack of contact between the brothers and sisters, they were growing emotional dependence on their parents much improve the match is far from families with many children. Therefore, the communication between parent and child appear to be important than any other generation. Now children, if their parents can not communicate properly, they will fall into extremely lonely and helpless situation, Even with peer interaction, and their exchanges than their parents were much less in childhood.
the other hand, today's parents than any other age parents are more anxious, they are always for the children growing worried. Why? because they had only one child ah! children are the parents of the greatest works, the only product of marriage of parents, the parents of the extended life and heritage. who's human. The point is that if you have 3 children, even if that single parents of children as children grow so anxious, so worried about the deep psychological reasons. This is my interpretation of one of the most popular. precisely because of this mentality, causing parents to control children's endless. as long as you careful observation reveals that most of the education of their children and frustrated parents, are all caught in extreme anxiety, very emotional, reluctant to give up control and accept the child control, emotional parents can not do without. Parents attitude determines children's future.
Therefore, the timely processing of parents in their children's education on the problems to ensure the healthy growth of children may be a necessary prerequisite.
Lin: thanks to the teachers to be interviewed, delayed a lot of your time, thank you!
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